You Are Not Alone
by Paul Zukunft, Elder for Impact Ministries
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)
As the former service chief of the Coast Guard, I drew upon this verse of the twenty-third Psalm to embark upon a campaign to proactively address the statistically high percentage of suicides endemic to our service members. Time and again, those contemplating a permanent solution to a temporary moment of despair felt as if they were alone. I am no behavior health specialist, but in our many successful interventions, I discovered that those who contemplated suicide felt isolated by their “unique” hardship and that the world would be a better place without them in it.
It had been service policy to not console the grieving families of a service member who had committed suicide and the advantage of being the “boss” is that you could change that policy. And so I did. For I, too, had felt the cloud of darkness overwhelm me, as if I was alone, until the God who is with us, Immanuel, provided me comfort.
It was May 28, 2012 – a date that is indelibly imprinted in my mind. I had just assumed command for all Coast Guard operations spanning over 60% of the globe from the Rocky Mountains to Africa, including the Arctic and Antarctica. I was at the top of my game, or so I thought. But that sense of invincibility came to an abrupt halt when I received a phone call, and expecting it was my command center seeking my advice on an operational matter. Instead, it was my oldest daughter, Heidi, and she could barely utter the words, choking with gasps of emotion and saying, “Dad…Jered is dead.”
Jered was my oldest son, and he fell into God’s comforting arms at the tender age of 26. He was the valedictorian of his high school class and absolutely brilliant. My pride and joy! As he was growing up, his intellectual curiosity would always stump me as he probed for answers that would challenge the best of minds. Yet, in his freshman year of college, he started hearing voices that would plague him for the remainder of his stunted life.
Upon learning of his death, I was not just devastated, but guilt-ridden, tormenting myself for not being there when Jered needed me most. Sadly, we do not get a mulligan, a “do-over,” and the best one can do is to pick up the pieces of a shattered life and move on.
That is where Immanuel provided me comfort and especially to provide comfort to grieving families of deceased service members and remind them that they are not alone and that God is with them. I would call the mothers, fathers, and spouses of our departed service members, and their first response went something like this, “Thanks for the call, Admiral, but you have no idea of the grief we are suffering.” And then I told my story, Jered’s story. It was as though Jered’s tragedy was the rod and staff that provided those families members comfort. They were not alone in their grief and suffering. Their despair was not “unique.”
It is no coincidence when we celebrate “The Light of The World” that there are many who feel the shroud of darkness envelop them. Suicide rates tend to spike during the Advent season, a season of hope, yet that hope exacerbates despair among those who have no hope.
And so I close by sharing this with each of you. I am the master of disguise! By all outward appearances, I have been abundantly blessed with good fortune. And that the wind has always been to my back and the road ahead was an easy, downhill stroll. But that is not my reality and nor is it for any of us!
By sharing our travails in life with those who find themselves in that valley of darkness, we become that messenger to convey Immanuel - God with us. We can empathize grief on a personal level and, at the same time, provide a beacon of hope through our faith in the Lord our God. And by doing so, we tear back the curtain to let the light of the world shine upon the faces of those who have only known despair.
Reflection:
Google the lyrics to Simon and Garfunkel’s Bridge Over Troubled Water, and contemplate the “I” in those lyrics as Immanuel. (It sure helped me when I crossed those troubled waters!)
How might you be the rod and staff that provides comfort to others? And with whom would you start?